First: Business owners believe minimum wage is fair since
your real “pay” is the joy of living in paradise. (Attorneys, doctors and other
professionals this cheapo belief applies to you too.) Before saying you don’t really need that big
paycheck you might want to check the price of bread at our local grocery
store. It will run you about $6.50 a
loaf and a Starbuck’s coffee will rival the cost of a tank of gas. The cheapest motel to plant your visiting
in-laws will be $200 a night and a burger will cost as much as a Rib-eye in
Detroit. Regularly you will hear
businesses say the prices are so high because it costs so much to ship it to a
resort location. Bullshit! My favorite was a local restaurant selling a steak
they advertised was from a local ranch (10 miles from the restaurant). When I
asked why it was three times the price as the steak shipped in the manager
mumbled something unintelligible and immediately left. I’m from the good old Midwest, where in my
opinion the best red meat in the country comes from. (And at least one of the
finest eating establishments in our area buys all their steaks from Nebraska.)
But, they too sell it at resort prices. So, I eat steak when I go back to the
real world in the Midwest…for half the price.
Next: There are plenty of jobs; but before you sign on the
dotted line be sure you have a place to live.
Last summer, the town outlawed sleeping in cars and those forced to live
in tents in backcountry sights were run off after two weeks. That’s right…we literally don’t have housing
for all the workers hired. The land is worth too much to allow affordable
housing. So, when you see an ad in the paper for single-family housing, it
means five single guys living in a one-bedroom Condo for $2500 a month. It also means there will be 100 applicants or
bidders for that rental. Maybe you poo-poo renting and want to buy a house… a 30-year-old
fixer upper (basically a condemned dump), with 3 bedrooms, 1 bath, no backyard
and no parking for your vehicles will set you back at least $500,000.
Speaking of parking…in a resort town there is never
enough. Once again, land is too expensive
to waste on parking spots for locals or tourists, even though those human-filled
vehicles are what support every fathom of your town. If you are lucky enough to find a spot, the
parking Nazi will give you a ticket if you park longer than two hours. How the heck, are people supposed to spend
all those vacation dollars on food and souvenirs in two hours? And you can
forget about a leisurely anniversary dinner unless you want to run out and move
your car before dessert. Which, even
then doesn’t always work since we moved ours one night and still got a ticket,
because the tire still had the “mark” on it.
Boneheads! (Next time, I carried cleaning solution to use after moving
the car.)
Our resort town finally got a bus system and had a contest
to name it. START won (for Southern
Teton Area Rapid Transit). I submitted
NARC, for Northern Area Rapid Cabs, and am still ticked off I didn’t win. You must also be aware these buses are painted
to look like the mountain scenery. I
once turned the corner thinking I was heading up the road to my favorite hiking
trail only to discover I’d turned into a bus.
Also, if considering a ski resort town, learn to drive on
the snow and ice before you move here. The road is covered with it at least six
months a year…so take a winter driving class or stay off the road. Locals get
really cranky when flat-landers endanger us with their horrible driving skills.
Finally: If you still decide you want to live in a resort
town, remember when driving for groceries that in tourist season all rules of
the road change. Many other countries
residents drive on the left side of the road (even when in the U.S.), traffic
signs and lights are ignored, tourists flip you off when they step out in the
road and you almost hit them because everyone knows when you are on vacation
you don’t need to engage your brain and look both ways before crossing a
street.
In spite of all the hurdles and depravations of resort
living…the best part of this lifestyle are the truly real people you meet. They aren’t impressed (a.k.a. don’t give a
flying fart) with your job title, your income, what designer brand you are
wearing, or the car you drive. So, if that shit is important to you, and you
need accolades from underlings, then
you will hate living here.
However, if you still want to join in resort living, then
I’ll be up on the mountain or down at the locals’ bar…cuz that’s where you find
all us abnormals.
