I Blame the Weather

We had our first freeze of the fall season last week. And yes it was only mid-August. We almost made it 90 days without the temp dropping below 32 degrees. It’s why I only use planters for my flowers. This way I can gather them all together in a huddle, cover them with a tarp, and they survive those early fall freezes. Anyway, that’s the theory. Which, would have worked just fine if the goofy human had remembered to take the tarp off them. Two days after the freeze our afternoon temp hit 85 and I decided to water the plants. Stepping onto the deck I was greeted by the tarp baking in the high altitude sun.

            I flipped the tarp off to discover wilted and dying plants. The freeze didn’t get them but human stupidity did. Two survived, and each day I look at them and swear they are cussing at me for being a horrible parent. (Dear God, how did I manage to raise two daughters?)

            I blame the weather. There is no call for being 29 degrees, then 36 hours later soaring to 85.  Whoever is in charge of temperature needs to adjust their attitude, along with the temps. If it’s a low of 29, then use your brain and allow only a 25-degree rise in temps for the day. You’ve got to account for boneheads’ behavior. Seriously, you can’t hold humans responsible for their actions. Where would this world be if we were each held accountable for what we do or don’t do? Why that’s called responsibility. Is that word still even in the dictionary?

            I’m going to spend the winter lobbying for a law that doesn’t allow a daily rise or fall in temperatures of more than 25 degrees. It’s not any dumber than most laws.

It's illegal to have the hind legs of farm animals in your boots

In Oklahoma it is illegal to have the hind legs of farm animals in your boots.  Phew, I’m glad I found this out before I let that goat try on my boots. It’s awesome that first, this would be a problem so big you needed a law; second, why and how are these animals getting in your boots?

I’m glad they were specific to boots, because I can so see taking your nanny goat to the shoe store to try on high-heels before you buy them.  After all, with her beautiful, skinny legs she can model while you sip a latte and watch. 

Why just farm animals?  That is totally discrimination!  I can let my giraffe wear my boots, but not my cow.  Well, that is just wrong.  And why only the hind legs? Seems like discrimination again to me.  What can they do with their hind legs in the boots that they can’t with their forelegs?  Ewe, yuck, wash your brain out; I cannot believe you were thinking that.  Although??? That might just have something to do with this law.

It was also pointed out to me that whaling is illegal.  Holy crap, I had no idea they even had whales in Oklahoma.  They really need the tourism board to advertise this more.

The most important law to me is they will not tolerate anyone taking a bite out of another’s hamburger.  We need more useful laws like this instead of wasting our tax dollars on making it illegal to howl at a wolf in Wyoming.  (Next time you visit my great state remember I’m the one who saved you being arrested for howling…you’re welcome.)

I must admit I think Oklahoma City went a little far in protecting the great American hamburger when it became law no one may walk backwards downtown while eating a hamburger.  Seriously, when was the last time you walked backward downtown eating a burger?  I walk backward all the time, because I like to see where I’ve been.  But, I’d never do it with a hamburger.  I’d look stupid.  And we all know I NEVER do anything to look stupid.  I leave that to the snow-bubble mom’s with their flower painted nails, botoxed lips, cell phone implants, and spandex covered fake boobs.

Some other great laws to know about before you visit Oklahoma:

You can be fined, arrested or jailed for making ugly faces at a dog.  So much wrong with this law, I can’t help that I was born with this mug.

You may not open a soda bottle without the supervision of a licensed engineer. I understand this one, cuz enginerds are always telling us normal folk how engineers know everything.

One’s mode of transportation must be tied up while not attended.  Next time you are in Oklahoma be sure to tie your car to the police car parked next to you.  I can vouch they really appreciate law-abiding citizens.