"Stop tying yourselves together and jumping on the trampoline!"

“Stop tying yourselves together and jumping on the trampoline!” Billie yelled out the door at the kids just after answering the phone. “Ah shit, now Fred is tying himself to the girls.”

And so began another typical phone conversation with my daughter.

“Why are the kids tying themselves together?” I asked.

“I have no idea. But can you explain to me how in the hell two straight A students can be so stupid?”

“I assume you mean Lizzie and her friend, since I’m pretty sure Fred’s in the mix because he’s eight and wants to hang with his pre-teen sis and her hot friend?”

“Oh gross Mom.”

“First Billie, to assume straight A’s has anything to do with using the common sense part of your brain is erroneous.  And second, my little man Fred is the smart one. If you can’t impress your older sister’s friends with your immaturity…then trip them on the trampoline and fall on them.”

“You know it’s hard to believe I didn’t lock you away in the basement years ago.”

“As Huey Lewis and The News sang, it’s hip to be cool.”

“Who the hell is Huey and why is he singing the news?”

“How did someone as awesome as me manage to raise such a fuddy duddy?”

“I think the awesome came when you had grandkids and could get paybacks on your kids.”

“Yeh, that is awesome!”

“HEY! Get off the trampoline with the rake?” Billie yelled.

“A rake?”

“I don’t even ask what they’re up to anymore. I just drink after they all go to bed.”

“Speaking of drinking…”

“Stop! Booze is the “one who can’t be named” in our house till after nine p.m.”

“Is that why you serve me gin and tonic in a thermal coffee mug with a lid?”

“Maybe.”

“Wow, all this time I thought you had a major caffeine habit, and it turns out it’s an alcohol habit.”

“What’s your point?”

“Maybe you’re not such a fuddy duddy after all. I’m so proud.”

“Well…me and my ‘coffee mug’ are going to sit outside and focus my full attention on the little dissidents, as I’m pretty sure they’re planning a coup.”

“Hang in there. In a few years you’ll be able to join me on the deck and drink straight from the bottle.”

“That is a real classy thing to aspire too.”

“Yepper, and I ain’t wearin’ no shoes neither.”

“Oh Lord, I pray I got my father’s genes.”  And Billie hung up…again.  Why does she keep doing that to me?