Jimmy Hoffa was Buried in my Ductwork

The “great mouse event” inspired George to have our ductwork cleaned in anticipation of the new furnace installation.   (After moving in we couldn’t get a handle on the mice in the lower level, until while getting bids for a new furnace they discovered a hole in the ductwork.  Seriously, a hole! It also had a sign on it inviting every mouse in the county to move in and have a freaking party.)

The duct cleaners pulled in with a trailer loaded with a giant vacuum that gave new meaning to the word suck, and proceeded to give our ductwork a blowjob.  While I expected 25 years of dirt buildup, and I hoped to eliminate the source of those freeloading mice; I did not imagine they’d need to stop several times to unclog the hundred-gallon disposal bag.

In no particular order they sucked out:

·      Balls

·      Water gun

·      Miller Lite cans

·      Sponge

·      Chunks of concrete

·      Big bones (I told you Hoffa was in there.)

·      Grout

·      Bath towel

·      Whole piece of insulation

·      TONS of rodent nests filled with both dead and ALIVE vermin (Got ya you nasty rodents, and good riddance.  In case you were wondering I refuse to share my house with rodents of any kind and will happily bludgeon, trap, or shoot them. And YES, I shot one running out of the garage.  I waited till he hit the dirt driveway and blew him into a million pieces with a BB gun and loved every minute of it.  Don’t cry “humane treatment” to me… It’s a disease ridden mouse people.)

·      Lots of paper

·      Baby bottle

·      Horseshoe

It was like my Ghostbuster’s Stay Puft Marshmallow Man nightmare all over again…thank you very much Dan Akroyd…except instead of coming down the streets of NYC, this shit was coming down my ductwork.  I’m pretty sure I saw Jimmy Hoffa go “sucking” by on his way to the bag that will soon end up in the landfill. 

The question puzzling me is who the hell were the former residents of this house?  Why a horseshoe?  A whole piece of insulation?  A baby bottle?  If you are going to screw-up the ductwork at least do it with something useful like a bag of Maui Waui or a sack of hundreds.

According to the duct cleaners they’d been doing this for a long, long, long, time and we were the WORST, yes sir, the Number One worst mess they ever encountered. OMG, they are probably going to use pictures of that shit in their next commercial. I vote we build our next house so there are no leftover surprises from previous owners.