People like me with lots of voices in their head should be News Anchors

“If you intend to write truthfully as you can, your days as a member of polite society are numbered.”

            Stephen King

I haven’t been a member of polite society for years. In person I’m one of the most diplomatic people you will ever encounter: on paper…not so much. But I could still be far more truthful. I could become one of the millions of wackos who post on FB and Twitter, or I could become one of the truly annoying who make nasty comments on everyone else’s posts.

I moved to the mountains to lower my blood pressure and enjoy life. However, I can’t even watch TV as someone is always spewing his or her beliefs as the One Truth. Over seven billion people in the world and these people think they are the only ones with the Truth, and that Truth must be spewed with hate speech. Not a group I want to belong too.

I don’t want to belong to ANY group. I’m happy toddling along as an individual.

Maybe I’m lucky in this respect, because I have lots of little voices in my head to talk to. Even more amazing is every one of those voices is a freaking hoot. 90 percent of the voices are crazier than eight toes on one foot, which makes them more interesting than the voices reporting the news.

The news would be so much better if a wack-a-doodle like me was the anchor. The networks pay one person but get a couple dozen characters from that one brain to deliver the news. The coolest part is voices in your head don’t listen to what the boss wants or the facts. Okay, you got me on this point…facts have been irrelevant in newscasts for years.

The difference is little voices spew fun shit, while “actual” reporters spew lies that fit their cause.

I would totally watch a program where one person had a conversation with “themselves.” (My family gave me a standing ovation at the dinner table for doing just that.)

Even better would be if there was a pill we could require every person to take that made all the evil acts in their brain spew forth before they acted on it.  Best law enforcement tool ever! I bet that pill exists but the government has it hidden at Area 51 because if politicians had to take it they’d be screwed.

How about a required wristband that if you said or did anything that was seriously injurious to another person you were instantly tasered? Cooler than LSD from the 60s, man.

How about an implant that shrank you a little bit every time you failed to consider others before speaking or acting because it was “all about you.” That would knock some people down a notch!

I don’t know what little voice is on a roll in my head, but she’s so much better than the ratholes in charge now.